There are certain milestones in pregnancy one looks forward to, especially, well for me, when all you’ve known surrounding pregnancy and the numerous attempts to even get there, encompasses painful memories. Hearing the sweet sound of baby’s heartbeat at the long awaited first ultrasound; making it to 12 weeks, viability\24 weeks; 28 weeks/third trimester, etc. My third trimester was greatly anticipated, as I gave a sigh of relief that we made it! This milestone was also greeted with a great deal of those lovely first trimester symptoms, but with a vengeance. I felt extremely exhausted, ill and of course emotional. That day, my husband and I decided to go to dinner to celebrate our milestone.

 

A few days later, I woke up around 5am to painful period like cramps. I attempted to rest and drink more water; however, the pain intensified and a few hours later we headed to L&D. We were nervous of course, as we had no idea why I was experiencing such painful cramps and low back pain; thankfully, baby boy was moving the entire time, so we had a great reassurance. Once we go to L&D and answered the usual questions, including if we felt baby boy move that morning, I happily said yes and he was moving even while laying there. The nurse placed the monitors on my abdomen, and when she placed the monitor on baby in an attempt to locate his heartbeat, she couldn’t find it at first. She then asked, “and you said you felt him move today right?” Of course I wanted to worry but right then and there, he gave a big kick as if to say “yes, I’ve been kicking!” She then asked where my DR typically finds his heartbeat, and I pointed to the location, where she placed the monitor at that location and we immediately heard the sweet sound we always look forward to hearing. My sweet husband immediately gave a loud sigh of relief, and stated he felt as if his heart fell to his foot, when the nurse could find baby boy’s heartbeat at first. After being connected to the monitors for a bit, the nurse indicated that I was having contractions and we would be left on the monitors for an hour to be monitored. The nurse returned to the room and indicated, I was having back to back contractions and I would be given a med to stop them. After I was given the med, and was monitored more, the nurse returned and stated she was going to call my DR again, the contractions were letting up and I would be sent home. We were extremely relieved, but no kidding, as soon as the nurse left, I continued to have contractions in which were intensified and I felt nauseous. The nurse returned after a few minutes and stated she noticed I was still contracting more. She called the dr and I was told he was on his way. He actually arrived fairly quickly and I was given a cervix check. Oh my goodness, the cervix check hurt immensely and I was not preprepared for that amount of pain. Good news was, I was not dilated and my cervix was nice and long. Dr stated my cervix was irritated and to take it easy. My oh my, how nerve wracking that experience was, and what a way to start off the third trimester!

 

 

 

Two weeks later, at 30 weeks pregnant, I started experiencing contractions again. This time there were more intense than last time and closer together. We returned to L&D nervous and prayerful that all was well. My experience this time, was the same as our first visit, with the monitoring and meds. The nurse this time though performed a FFN test, known as fetal fibronectin test. This test would provide information to the doctor in whether or not I would go into labor within the next two weeks. This test was HORRIFIC! I’ve been use to being poked and prodded, especially with our infertility and IVF journey, but this was quite different. The speculum could not be lubricated, as it would interfere with the test result. The feel of the cold, steel inserted in my lady bits was something I hope I would not have to experience again. The nurse attempted to perform the test quickly and thankful it was quick, but nonetheless painful.The test came back negative, which was great. My contractions simmered down, but I was still uncomfortable, yet grateful for the great news. I was told I would be on bed rest, and could only use the bathroom and go to the kitchen for food. Bed rest was extremely difficult for me, but it was what was best for our sweet baby boy. At 32 weeks bed rest was thankfully lifted!

So many fears came creeping into the forefront for my husband and I with our L&D visits, as it’s quite difficult to not enter crisis mode after all we’ve been through. Through it all, we remained hopeful and prayed and kept the faith that God was taking care of me and baby boy. Pregnancy isn’t easy and there’s so many milestones to reach, and what ifs that run through our minds, but it is so imperative to remain hopeful, to trust that our God is able and can do wonders. Fear is a natural feeling to experience, it’s what we do with such feeling is what matters.

How will you allow your fear to impact you?

Xoxo- Sajae’