And Fear Strikes Again|ER Visit at 8 Weeks
As stated in a previous blog post, my first ultrasound was with our fertility clinic at 7w4d on March 20th. Three days later, still feeling as if I was on cloud nine, I resumed the day as any other day. I left my house early to head to the office to prepare for my sessions with clients. When I got out of my car, lugged all of my work essentials and headed to the office door,I felt a gush and automatically knew I was bleeding. In that moment, I began to panic, how could this be? We just saw our little bean only three days prior and everything looked amazing! I quickly settled into my office with tears filling my eyes and I sat on my chair in front of the computer and said quick payer. I immediately began thinking about my clients and how I knew there was no way I could possibly give my all to them in our sessions, with my mind going in a million directions. I rushed to the bathroom and sure enough, I was bleeding. I left out and went outside to call our fertility clinic to let them know what was going on, but my nurse was with other patients. I then went back to the bathroom where I was still bleeding. I made the decision to let my clients know we had to reschedule and then informed my colleague. Thank God for great coworkers because she insisted on taking me to the ER and refused to let me go alone. My mind kept going to my husband and how much I wished more than anything he was here with me. Darn deployments! We were in the ER for what seemed forever. I got checked in and about an hour later, I was in the room getting ready for a transvaginal and abdominal ultrasound. The woman performing the ultrasound was quite sweet and her voice calming, which certainly helped in such a stressful moment. She took a ton of measurements and I tried so incredibly hard to watch the screen (the screen was facing her), after a few minutes, she positioned the screen toward me and smiled and said, there’s your baby! Little bean was moving and his heat beating away beautifully. After the ultrasound it took even longer to see the dr, but finally I did and he stated what I was experiencing was a threatened miscarriage. They couldn’t find the source of the bleed, and concluded it may have been from getting the transvaginal ultrasound done a few days prior, in which may have irritated my cervix. I was told to rest and of course follow up with my ob. Thank God for everything being ok!
To say experiencing this scare was beyond frightening would be an understatement. As if going through years of trying for this baby, in which included a loss and 3 ivf transfers, you would think we would have an easy pregnancy, BUT I appreciate all the struggles, as has made me even more dependent on God and his strength! Of course what ifs and fears moving forward continue to creep in, but I keep this scripture in my heart, I mentioned in a previous blog: Isaiah 43:18-19-
Don’t remember these earlier events; don’t recall these former events. Look, I am about to do something new. Now it begins to happen! Do you not recognize it? Yes, I will make a road in the desert and paths in the wilderness.”
Sweet friends, obstacles occur and unfortunately these barriers may even seem unending. In these times, I completely understand how easy it is to allow yourself to be overtaken by the harsh waves, while looking around in panic and despair. Can I challenge you to try leaning on the one who cares so deeply for you and the concerns of your tender heart? Simply saying “God I don’t know what to say or even what to do right now, but I want to give you all my stress, all my worries, all my fears and I trust in you to take care of me.”