For those of you who are not familiar with the meaning of the Two Week Wait, it is the period in which you honestly impatiently wait to see if this month is the month you’ll see those two beautiful pink lines on a pregnancy test. Luckily for me, I only had an eight-day wait, as my specialist does beta draws eight days after an embryo transfer. In this time period, I’ll be honest and say the struggle was indeed real. It was quite difficult balancing keeping the faith and overcoming those thoughts of fear and worry. I tried to envision those two beautiful embryos implanting and growing in my uterus and spoke to them daily. I believe in the power of speaking positivity in the atmosphere, as it does make quite the difference. When I say it was tough, it really was-all the waiting! We already waited what seemed forever to get pregnant and it all came down to a simple blood test to say whether or not our third try was in fact the charm.
I dare not fail to mention the good ole symptom spotting, and how being on progesterone injections mimic pregnancy symptoms. How cruel right? My symptoms were a bit the similar from our first transfer, but different from our second (I don’t recall having any symptoms after our second transfer). Anyway, although I told myself I wouldn’t symptom spot (who was I kidding?) I did and I must say, the were promising and gave me some hope that at least one embryo was staying with us. My symptoms were: exhaustion, nausea, and extreme hunger. I remember it like it was yesterday, it was the 18th of February, only 4 days after our frozen embryo transfer and it was around 5 in the evening. I had to use the bathroom badly, and I already stocked up on some good ole first response tests (I had a ton J ), so I decided to test. A little side note: Since hubby was deployed I envisioned I would tell him we were pregnant in an absolutely cute way and I wanted to record his reaction. Back to me urinating on first of many, and when I say many, I mean MANY tests. As I dipped the test, my heart was racing, I knew that if the test showed negative then it was way too early, and in reality it was quite early to be taking a pregnancy test afterall. As soon as I put the test down, Taylor was skype calling me and I answered. As soon as I answered I looked down at the test and IMMEDIATELY saw a second line and smiled. You know how I previously stated how I depicted telling him we were pregnanty? Well, that went out the window. He asked me what I was smiling at it if I tested. I picked up the test and showed him and he had the biggest smile on my face. I just started screaming and running around with so much joy, y’all it was such an indescribable feeling. Although I had the same emotions when I tested positive after our first transfer, and sadness tried to ensue, I just knew this would be different, that God would not add sorrow this blessing. I continued to test every morning after that Saturday evening and watched in amazement as the lines got darker with each day. The night before our blood draw day, fear attempted to creep in and in being transparent with you all, I will admit I felt stricken with fear and sadness. A few months prior to our third transfer, we went through this, we went through the joy of finding out we were pregnant of waking up so excited for both blood draw days, until to find out that our numbers decreased on the second draw and that our pregnancy wasn’t viable. Hearing those words “Dr. wants you stop all medication and you should start bleeding within a few days. If you want to do another transfer, call me when you start bleeding and we’ll start the process again” it felt like our hopes, our everything was snatched from us in an instant. So in the middle of the night February 22nd, as I replayed the nurses words aforementioned, as I recalled crying nonstop in my husband’s arms and seeing his heartbreak along with mine, I remember pleading with God to please let this be our take home baby, please keep this baby growing strong. As I said those words over and over in the middle of wiping away my tears and holding onto my husband’s shirt with his cologne on it, for comfort I realized I had to use the bathroom badly (which was another one of my symptoms). After I washed my hands, I felt the need to open the bible, and I seriously didn’t want to- it was about two in the morning and I was exhausted. As I walked to my bed the nudge just wouldn’t go away, so I opened the bible and the page it landed on was Isaiah 43:18-19 which states, “Do not remember the past events, pay no attention to things of old. Look I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” When I say I was completely wowed by God, all I can say was, “Alright God, I hear you loud and clear. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reassurance. I believe you and I’ll trust that this precious gift is truly ours to keep.” This scripture is one in which I say aloud (by now I’ve memorized it) every day, every time fear attempts to creep in, every time I need that simple reminder that although, yes tragedy has happened, God is doing something NEW and it brings me back to being present and in the moment with our gift. I went into blood draw day nervous yet excited and showed my nurse, who then showed our specialist the picture of all the tests I took (was hilarious). I went home and impatiently waited for the phone call from the nurse which I received a few hours later (yep, wait, wait, and more waiting). My number was 221, which anything over 30 was promising. Hearing those words, “congratulations, your number is 221, you’re pregnant! Come back in on Friday and your number should be 442” was the best news! By the way, beta numbers (pregnancy hormone) should double every 48 hrs. to be indicative of a healthy pregnancy, which didn’t occur in our first pregnancy. I kept meditating on the scriptures I was led to read the night before and kept speaking over my body and baby and 48 hrs. I received the phone call from my nurse after our second blood draw. The conversation went a little like this nurse: “Hey Sajae’” Me: in a groggy voice, “Hey!” nurse: “Why do you sound tired?” Me: “because I can barely keep my eyes open, I’m so exhausted.” Nurse: “Well, you’re so tired because you’re indeed pregnant! Your number nearly tripled, it’s 602. I was telling your Dr both embryos may have implanted”. Woah!! I immediately called my husband and we just basked in the happiness.
All the years of pain and tears month, after month, failed fertility treatments back to back, a loss, it finally led up to this moment!! The third time is indeed the charm for us. Although, the road getting here was beyond bumpy and rough, we wouldn’t trade it for anything. We have learned and grown so much because of this journey and we are beyond ecstatic to continue on this journey into parenthood.
To follow more of my pregnancy journey, keep on the lookout for more blog posts regarding how my pregnancy has been thus far.
As always, thank you for embarking on this journey and I want to encourage you to continue keeping the faith. It’s difficult, extremely difficult, I believe in you and I know sweet friends that you can do hard things!