Christmas & Heavy Hearts

So, Christmas the most wonderful time of year, and me and my husband’s favorite holiday! This time of year should be filled with love, joy, lovely decorations, hot cocoa, or my favorite,  caramel brûlée latte from Starbucks.  Every year my husband and I have always held onto hope that the next winter season we would have a bundle of joy to celebrate with. Although this year was filled with all of the things aforementioned, it was overshadowed with loss in what could have been.  This year we should have been 14 weeks pregnant, and basking at the fact that this year we had our Christmas miracle.  Instead, we mourned our early pregnancy loss and was also fearing another failed IVF cycle.  Our last transfer was 12/20 and of course I tested on Christmas thinking maybe, just maybe we would have our miracle. Unfortunately, it wasn’t and our hearts were grieving.   The past few years I saw a meme being shared quite a few times around the holiday season and it stated something along the lines of “Christmas as adults is better when you have children.” Undoubtedly this is true, Christmas will certainly be that much better with children running around and watching the excitement on their face as they open up presents.  We dream of the day we’ll be able to tell them the story of the Messiah and how he came to save each and every one of us. This Christmas were filled with tears and sadness, but there is a part of us, the part that refuses to give up on our dream, our hope of becoming parents that won’t allow us to give up. Although this Christmas we were left heartbroken, we remain hopeful and as always we say, “Hopefully next year”.

xoxo,

Sajae’

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